As I reported yesterday, Amy and I are selling our laptop on ebay in order to pay for a smaller, more portable one. It doesn’t have any bids yet, but I’ve been getting seller questions that feel a lot like email spam:

Q: Hello,I want to get your Laptop.I want to get it for my Son who just got a job in an InfoTech firm.I got 1 for him but got Broken.since yours is kindda cheap and also like the same specification of the one that got broken.So I need to get the laptop before he resumes work on thursday.please i’ll want immediate transaction of this Laptop computer,can i go ahead with buy it now? I’ll make payment by Western Union Bidpay cause currently i dont run a Paypal #.Pls kindly send your Address so i can forward the money order to you immediately,and i will want the package shipped as soon as you confirm your money from Western Union Bidpay cause i need to have the item fisrt thing thursday morning,Pls i really need this urgently.I Have a fedex # for a pick-up or if you can overnight it to me by any means you can with your courier, i will pay you your total due,just give me the shipping cost with the price of the item ,i’ll make all the due payment ASAP I get a go ahead from u.Portland,IN 47371
A: I understand your situation is urgent, but I did not place a “buy now” option on this auction. There are two reasons why I cannot fullfill your request. One, I would expect to get more than the starting bid for this laptop as it is worth much more. And Two, it is unfair to others who are willing to bid - this IS ebay. Also, I will only accept paypal.
Q: hello, im very interested in your laptop. i think this is perfect as a gift to my stepson in philippines whose birthday will be on friday next week. anyway, can you be able to ship to philippines? im willing to end the deal as soon as possible and will cover all the shipping charges. pls reply asap.. thanks
A: I am NOT willing to end the auction prematurely, but I will consider shipping outside the US to the winning bidder if all shipping charges are paid in advance. Shipping prices outside the US will be based on whatever it costs to ship from my local UPS Store. PLEASE do not bid on this item if you do not agree to these terms as I do not want to get stuck with the ebay charges for a winner who will not pay.
Q: DEAR SELLER,I HAVE A STORE IN UNITED STATES AND AFRICA WHERE I SELL LAPTOPS AND ELECTRONICS,BUT THE DEMAND FOR THIS ITEM IN MY STORE IN AFRICA IS HIGH.SINCE YOU DO NOT SHIP TO AFRICA,I INTEND PAYING YOU VIA WESTERN UNION AUCTION PAYMENT(BIDPAY).JUST TELL ME THE AMOUNT AS A MATTER OF FACT,I SHALL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SHIPPMENT OF THIS ITEM FROM YOUR LOCATION DOWN TO MY STORE IN AFRICA,THIS IS RISK FREE,DOESNT TAKE MUCH TIME.THIS IS HOW BIDPAY WORKS,THEY WILL SEND YOU AN EMAIL AS SOON AS I MAKE PAYMENT SAYING ORDER APPROVED ,AND THEY WILL SEND YOU ANOTHER EMAIL AFTER 24 HOURS SAYING ORDER APPROVED,THEN A MONEY ORDER WILL BE SENT TO YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS 7-10 BUSINESS DAYS AFTER PAYMENT GETS APPROVED.SINCE THIS ITEM IS NEEDED WITH URGENCY,I WOULD WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME THAT ONCE YOU RECIEVE THE CONFIRMA TION AND APPROVAL MAIL FROM WESTERN UNION,YOU WOULD RELEASE THIS ITEM FOR SHIPPMENT TO AFRICA.I AM READY TO OFFER YOU ANY AMOUNT AS IT IS URGENT
A: First, read the other questions that I have answered. Second, PLEASE do not type in all caps. I will only accept paypal payment. I will not end the auction early. If you want this item shipped outside the US, I will consider it if it is possible through UPS and the shipping is prepaid via paypal. Thank You.

Maybe I’m being a bit pensive, but I don’t believe a single one of these half-baked requests. Are these sleazy ebay scum who are trying to get my laptop for a low price to turn around and re-sell it? Why do 2 of them want to use “Western Union Bidpay”? Why do they ALL need this item URGENTLY? It’s a laptop for crying out loud, and the auction ends in less than a week. If you need it urgently, then DON’T BUY IT ONLINE! Sheeesh. The only other possibility I can think of is that they’re email phishing. That seems like a lot of work to get an email though. Any ideas?